Nearly all of the book takes place in either Los Alamos or Albuquerque, in the state of New Mexico. Los Alamos is where Derek, the main character, attends school during the first third of the book, and where he comes back to work between attempts at college. Albuquerque is where he goes to attend trade school and, later, college at the University of Mexico. Derek is the main character. He is a feminine male who has difficulty fitting in socially. He is an 8th grader at the story's beginning and a college freshman by the end when he comes out as genderqueer. Other primary characters in the story: Jeremy is a friend from band and Boy Scouts, Linda is his obsessive crush, Olivia his high school girlfriend; his parents and sister Jan constitue his family; at UNM, roommate Leland and students Larry, Ralph, and Eddie, plus college girlfriend Sharon, are the people Derek interacts with. Secondary characters: A trio of school bullies make early repeated appearances; various employers at after-school jobs, the Scoutmaster, and the choir teacher are also backdrop characters. PART ONE (divided up into 7 chapters, pp 1-116) In grade school, Derek competes with girls, aspires to do well in school in deportment as well as subject areas. Isolated after 3rd grade. By adolescence, ostracized for being a "faggot", harassed, discovers that puberty is not going to bring him closer to the girls. Tries to make friends and fit in: join Boy Scouts, sing in the choir, but comes up against the limitations of superficially fitting in over and over. PART TWO (divided up into 4 chapters, pp 118-200) Derek hates the conservative Mississippi college and daydreams about joining the hippies and flower children he's read about. Drops out, takes vocational courses in auto mechanics. The all-male environment isolates him; dating or even meeting girls seems impossible; tries gay sex but it isn't for him. Narrowly escapes being raped, then later is assaulted at a party. PART THREE (divided up into 5 chapters, pp. 202-301) College again. The student body is socially liberal and tolerant: people who think he is gay go out of their way to let him know they'd accept him. He tries to just have a good time but casual sex and flirting and dating don't work for him. He reads about transsexualism but he doesn't think his male body is wrong. Other students urge him to come out and accept himself, yet when he does, he's briefly put into a psychiatric ward. He gets himself out, goes to California and finds a community where he has his first fully satisfying sexual experience with a girl his age. PART FOUR (one standalone chapter, pp. 303-314) A flash-forward to the current era. Derek giving a talk on feminism and gender identity as Boston College and talking about genderqueer as an important sense of sexual / gender identity. Total Pages: 314 (@ Times New Roman, 12 pt, double-spaced, std margins) Word Count: 96,040 This is a completed memoir. Sample chapters, full proposal, or manuscript available upon request.